Upon Immediate Review

Upon Immediate Review

This is one of those days where I am in no hurry to leave the comfort and safety of my surroundings, and even as I know I have chores and things to do, I have put a hold on all things external to me.  Eventually time will run out, and it will be apparent that I have no choice in the matter, will slip on my shoes and overcoat and hat, and venture out.  For now, I am taking advantage of my lull in activity, rearranging my schedule, and playing my hold cards, which implies I will remain where I am, make no desperate attempts at taking control of things on the other side and enjoy the moment.  Funny how it feels like I have a choice here.  It could be an illusion, but have not given much thought to something like that.  Maybe I should.

 

Mostly I am just blocking things out, not thinking about how others spend their day, and how fortunate I am to have a choice in the matter.  As far back as I can remember, I had this far away dream that there would come a time when the days of my life would be all about me.  Retirement for me was nothing more that waking up each day, and being in total control of the next 24 hours.  Now sitting here and writing a blog with the title, Upon Immediate Review, and it occurs to me, I am following the retirement con-game almost perfectly.  I have 24 hours to deal with.  Nothing less and do not want to project beyond that time space.

 

And so it is, Upon Immediate Review I find myself with contentment and breathing space.  I will look around, see what window of opportunity is afforded me, and receive the gift of individual choice as it pertains to what I will be doing in the next 24 hours.  Not sure there is anything in a blog, based  Upon Immediate Review that will interest the casual reader, but then again I have made a pledge and will follow though.  The moment is mine, and I will do all I can to be content and satisfied in the present moment.  Not sure what might be in it for you, as yes you are here and investing time reading.  And we are a busy society and people.  Investing time in a Stoney Blogger and I must say, “……. I am grateful.”

 

Adjusting my attitude to focus in on the situation.  Recognize that it is okay to say, “I own this day.”  Which sets me on a course that might collide with the needs and plans and expectations of others.  Like I said, am blocking out many things, and perhaps what I intend to do next is not very realistic.  Then I know I have made a pledge to recognize that it is okay, based on the simple fact,  it is just one day and one 24 hour period.  If necessary, I will make adjustments when I wake up tomorrow and follow through with a brand new day.   Personal goals and having the ability to make them happen,  acts as a self-directing guide to what I see as an ideal retirement.  Upon Immediate Review of course I may have to give up on the idea that retirement is meant to be fun and pleasurable, and it is my duty to reward myself for all the years of hard work accomplished.

For now,  I will enjoy the next 24 hours, and realize the clock is ticking.  Actually it is a digital clock and the tick-tock is gone.  Even so, my point is that even as I squander minutes and seconds and even hours,   I will do so with no regret.  Freedom to choose the course of my day and then enact it, as it is a gift I send to myself as a self-directing guide to my personal happiness.

 

The truth of my day lies in the fact that I have a plan that comes as a floating-world-notion.  I drift in and out and solitude cuts right to the chase, of what happens when you have a mental slip and lose track of both the time and your intentions.  Facing the truth, I know it is part of the overall scheme to age and then find yourself alone.  That happens and even as I become aware, I have more control over these things than one might think.  I have 24 hours and I could get married to the idea that being alone is evil, and hence find a solution.  Upon Immediate Review I could feast on the abundance of people on the internet, and invite them into my life.  Write a blog and see what happens.  Of course my delight in having you around could be short lived, as 24 hours is not as long as it seems when you are a dog waiting for his Master to arrive home.  It could be over and never quite the same.  But like I said, am blocking such things from consideration at the moment.

Sitting here and I do realize that most of this is just the ramblings of an extroverted introvert, and when I figure out what that really means,  I will make sure I don’t get confused by over thinking.  I am doing okay at the moment.  Went to the public library yesterday and now I have books to read if I so choose.  Of course it was also true that I had e-books available at the touch of finger-controlled action on the screen before me.  So going to the library wasn’t actually necessary, but it happened yesterday.  Now a 24 hour period expired, and it doesn’t apply to what I am doing now.  E-books and hard-bound books and it hardly matters any more.  Comes down to life in the present moment and its up to you to take advantage of what appeals and makes you happy.  

 Or should I say, “Contented.”

 

Having fun being myself, and yes I do find it extra-ordinary and a bit quirky.  Self-contained in the plane of conscious thought, and still finding yourself in digital public.  Outgoing, while sitting in the middle of an empty room, putting yourself out there   with computer and screen and web cam.  Not desperate, but just one of the many things a person can do in the next 24 hours.

It is how I am.  Blocking things out and not listening when it is said, “….you can’t do that.  Wake up.  Get real.”  It can be misunderstood when we realize that 24 hours is an imaginary period of time we spend without the complication of others.  Home alone.  Don’t call attention to one’s self and treat yourself like a special interest.  Make the most of the blindside.  Respond if you must, but don’t make a habit of letting outside interference get in the way.  Control your day and realize it’s a mixed blessing to find yourself older than all the other people living in your building.  As a last resort you can take all of this under immediate review, seek a second opinion, and just let go of the notion that you are in control.  Listen to others.  Can do that, but not until tomorrow.  Today I am not listening.  Have it blocked out.  And I am happy.