pardon my ignorance

PARDON MY IGNORANCE

Time and attention to the tone and feeling of this time of year, brings me to the

Point of no-return, when I tell myself, “Don’t give in to all this junk-on-your-bunk and a stranger’s attitude.  Attitude and Altitude, and standing watch along the border, to see who might come along.  Immigration and Migration, and I now remind myself to put out something for the birds and for the hungry. 

Not to say, “Let’s Talk About It.”, but realize it feels excessive in the downward direction, when you  are being ignored, or just have no place to go.  No money.  Haven’t put the tree up yet.  Not sure I will.  But suddenly I feel like I need to do something, but the list is very long now, The Things We Just Don’t Do  2012.”

Step up and tell all.  That is not going to happen.  I feel awkward about this and am more aware of this than ever before.  Flying affects me.  Attitude and Altitude and standing in line, and then the body scan and imagining what I might look like, with no clothes on and skin and bone.  It is good to have a reservation. 

Hesitation and Caution go with the territory.  Did I mention, I rate low on mingle-ability.  Wall Flower, maybe.  Not really shy, as I just don’t want to be involved, but read a lot and must learn by experience, “No Man Is An Island.”    I’ve heard people suggest, there is a way around all this, but so far at the airport, and if I move an inch, a red light goes off, and my heart starts pounding.  Tell myself, “Too Old  For This.”  And am isolated, so have nobody to ask, “Is this true?”  Flying Affects Me.  Pay the price for getting high.  I do.

 

Letting the season settle around me.  Thanksgiving is over, and am thankful I am here, at the airport and waiting at the curb, looking for a friendly face.  Lost in a crowd of mass-transit humanity.  I want so much more, but that’s not going to happen.  Conspicuously awkward in unfamiliar situations, but I have been here before.  Last Year.  And now I am back, and you are asking, “Why?”

 What’s the point? 

Upside, downside, and now standing in the middle waiting for you to join me.  Where do I anticipate that event to be?  Under the Mistletoe and near the lights, hot chocolate in hand, just seeing you warms my heart and head and hands.  Taking what you give me, I smile.  “Thank You Love.”

Pardon My Ignorance, but this is what I do this time of year.  Travel.  Look Around.  Hope to find happiness and love.  And when I do, it makes it all worth-while.  In the airport.  Out at sea.  Halfway house and not sure when I will be released.  But its not about what you do most of the year. This time  its special.  Looking For Love.  Looking For You.  Everywhere. 

 

And yes, tis true. Even at the airport I hope to find that perfect line with you standing in front of me, going my way.  That’s what happens when attitude and altitude affect you.  And did I mention running through the airport, holding hands with O.J. Simpson. 

 

And the lights go off, people begin to notice you, and its best to just stop.  Look at the ground and realize.  Tis the life.  2012.  In the airport.  Get Real.  Time To Get Searched.  Stop looking for her.  It’s a myth.  Santa is really busy.  Its not going to happen, no matter what they tell you.  Tis the season.  You are alone. 

With your thoughts.

All about love. 2012

Cheers