THE DAY AFTER

THE DAY AFTER




The Day After, and if I was in last year’s mode I would be thinking, this blog is about having a hangover, and for the record it is not about that at all.  Before the new year of 2014, and I am happy to be in a festive mood, and positive in spirit.  Day After Christmas, and am still resisting the material urge.  Boxer Day up north, and not sure what people do?  More shopping.  Somebody will tell me.  What’s going on, The Day After. 



Its fun to hear what others have to say, both about the Christmas Day and experience they just had.  And more so, what the day after looks like to them.  One big headache.  Not seeing that way for me, personally.  Christmas for me is chill.  Mostly I am happy others are doing their own thing, rituals and traditions.  And regardless, because I am in a medium size city, and downtown I have the Christmas lights and decorations all around me.  Walking Distance.  And I know the day after, the decorations will begin to disappear, little by little and twinkle by twinkle in a child’s eye.  Listening in on your private thoughts about The Day After.  Is what this blog is about.





The day after Christmas and all they want to do is direct your attention to more sales.  Everything is on sale.  Come on down.  Spend more money.  And you would think by now, we have had enough of all that.  But each to his own way of spending the day after.  More time off from work, and so is that it? More shopping.  Not for me, but for the rest of the world I wonder, what is the day like.  Both Christmas Day and The Day After.  And can say, its been awhile since I have allocated the time to sit down and blog.  And it feels good. 


Fog outside my window, so I can’t see too far.  But know the people are out there, shopping.  So am staying in for now.  Later on, will take a walk and confirm my suspicions.  They are out there, and its not alien to me.  They are Out There.  On the Space Station, they were working outside their protective environment.  And if you have seen Sandra Bullock and the movie, Gravity, you have to be in pure amazement that there are people in space and Out There.  Truly Amazed.  I am.  And that was yesterday.  Christmas Day and making repairs on their Home away from Home.  Now safe.  And I pray for that.  People on and off the planet, and is my true thought, "Be Safe."




I have a limit to what I can do on the Day-After.  Based on capturing the experience and just knowing, that I was there, but I missed out on the details others capture so easily.  Yesterday was Christmas.  And for me, some of what this day means to you, was missing for me.  Years of just being me and of course, am not complaining that I did miss out.  More like, its such a busy time in my neighborhood, and the details of materialistic living pass me by.  I live like a pauper, meaning that spending money and buying gifts is not usually what this time is about.  




But I do like the holiday spirit and the lights and people everywhere, self-contained and knowing what happens next.  Knowledge that comes over a lifetime of acquiring and wrapping gifts and sharing them with loved ones.  And it never occurs to me, what Santa does the day after Christmas.   But here I am.  Talking about it.  Christmas and The Day After.  Talk to me.




So I am happy to have this time, sharing with you, details of now and yesterday.  Haven’t been blogging much lately.  Made a pledge to myself, about halfway into 2013.  " Get A Life."  And so I drifted off into free-port territory, no longer afraid to venture out and see what was Out There.  And now I know.  There were coffee shops open on Christmas Day.  And where I live, there are many who go to Dim Sum Restaurants on Christmas Day, pickup chop sticks and eat Asian food.  On Christmas Day. 





 Collecting memories of each Christmas and doing it in such a way, that each Christmas through the years is special and can be recalled.  By the gifts shared and the people you spend time with.  And what people do is important.  Even if it has nothing to do with what you do.  The Day After is a good time to reflect and cherish the day.  The day we had, together or apart.  Memories remain.  One by one.




Deals and Discounts and did I mention that an ice storm left many without power throughout Canada and the U.S.A.  And I can only imagine what happens in winter when people are trying to get together, and the power goes out.  Stay At Home Dads.  Flashbacks and the urgency to know, everybody is okay.  No worries.  And when its over, we ask:  " How was Christmas and The Day After. 

How are you?"  

WHEN YOU HAD ME

WHEN YOU HAD ME





When you had me, and what kind of blog can I derive beginning with that statement.  Do you really have another.  Another what?  And if that becomes clear, the actual details of content of our time together can be considered.  Animal.  Mineral.  Or Vegetable.  And now I revert back to the heydays when my brain was in full use and development.  1952 to 1959.  We had our first television and it was black and white and that’s where this blog begins.  My Topic:  When You Had Me.





 
 
Before I get off track and leave you wondering what he had for breakfast, I want to include this part.  In 1952 I saw this television program for the first time.  At home.  Was a popular television game show.  Title:  Animal, Vegetable, Mineral?    Experts came before the cameral to identify interesting objects.  This was a  BBC program.  I think there was a American equivelent, but am not sure which one came first and gets the original distinction.  Remember this was 1952.











When I had you, brings to mind that perhaps I did not take full advantage of your presence.  And this is a simple example.  Where I live, they have declared a war on downtown parking.  They and I don’t really know who that is, because its not me, want to make more revenue on parking your car near anything that the public really wants to use.  Like your front door, and so in front of your house are parking meters, and this is in the neighborhoods, not just downtown. 



At first I thought, "This is nuts."  But then I realized that greed is fundamental human behavior.  The mayor and the budgets of the city, they just want more.  More revenue.  And all this leads to something I have noticed.  Greater dependence on public transportation, and less and less use of the private car for daily use of coming and going.  Parked in the garage, if you have one.  On the driveway, other wise and now in a specific context, when I had you becomes very specific.  When I could afford to have a car, I didn’t realize this was a special privilege.  Now I do.

 







When you had me, or in a different order:  when I had you does this bring to remembrance a special time when we just thought this would last forever.  Cars and Men and Women and Bling.  Does that about cover it.  Independent states and now we are in a time of temporary and jobs are difficult to come by.  Even so, we are tinkering with healthcare in the place I am in.  Its all interconnected.  Insurance and the concept that everybody has access to affordable care.  Which is something badly needed, but the web-site  doesn’t work and they are making it mandatory and have imposed a deadline to get me signed up. 



Now you have me, between a rock and a hard spot, and it makes wonder, "Are we having fun yet."  " And are we there yet? " , asks the 5 year olds as if we had a planned destination.  Little do they know we are driving around the same block over and over, to get the one free spot that is affordable.  And everybody wants it.  Free and Abundantly Available.  And if you give it away for free, you will be called bad names.  And so it goes. 

When you had me.




Not sure what point I am trying to make.  Not sure if I am trying to judge content of satisfaction in my daily life, and do so comparing it to the way it was, 30 years ago.  Fighting the temptation to go back, make comparisons about when you had me, or I had you.  Sports car or Volkswagen beetle and at the time I had a full schedule.  From home to school to work.  Morning to night and without a car, I would never have accomplished this routine, that got me through college and into life.  Home and family and then heartbreak. Learned the hard way, this is not a perfect world.  Before long, if 15 years is a long time, you be the judge; I found myself starting over.  You were gone.  And all these years later, sure is true.  I still miss you.  But there is no point to wear that on my sleeve.  I need to find parking and the Littles are getting restless. 


 

This is not a good example of when you had me, and how you thought about it.  I was too busy at the time.  Hardly realized how time flies and its over in a blink of the eye.  Even now, its difficult to accept that you are gone.  That I have sold my car, and now walk from place to place and bus stop to bus stop.  No convenience and no longer stop at the convenience store on the way home from work, bringing the loaf of bread she needs to make tomorrow’s lunch for dad and the kids.  Instead, we order it on the internet.  One loaf of bread and pay for home delivery.  And I am thinking, geesh.  I really miss you.  Volkswagen simple.  But not now.





   To complete my thought and not miss a beat nor my original thought when deciding to write this blog.  I wanted to ask, "when you had me, did it drive  you crazy?

AFTER THOUGHTS

AFTER THOUGHTS

It is Tuesday and all I can say, "Baby Its’  Cold Outside."  And so I will assemble all that is good about my present circumstances, and take on a positive role play for this entire day.  Will start out with no issues, but then again my subconscious rules when I turn around, and stare into the dark side of my reality.  And has little or nothing to do with you, but then again its below the level of my awareness, so how would I know.  What concerns me today is that I have the opportunity to become New and Improved.  Better Awareness.   More Knowledge.  A Happy Disposition. 



And so much more.  What pleases me is that I am inspired to write another blog, touching on a comment made from yesterday’s blog, Swift Rendition.  And so I looked up a reference to a song that I had never heard.  Looked over the lyrics, and told myself:  "that’s right."  And so from that point, I will carry on, until I need to eat some breakfast and take a walk.  For now, this blog unfolds.  And my topic:  After Thoughts.




Not sure how to do this, but am sure somebody will jump in and help me, if I offend.  Lyrics from a song by THE BYRDS:   My Back Pages has me thinking.  And am pleased that a connection has been made.  Was busy yesterday weaving a dual theme in the blog, Swift Rendition.  And wish I was more knowledgeable about the things that are important to you.  My world becomes distorted, and am far out in left field, as The Boston Redsox baseball teams, win yet another game from the  St. Louis Cardinals, and are but one game away from winning the MLB World Series Pennant for 2013.  And I am neutral at best.  Its not the Damn Yankees, and so my conscious is clear.  Not in debt to the past, as we don’t care who did what, yesterday.  Now I am not sure if that is true, as the audience is many.  How can I say what you care about.  And as for me, well I am interested in this line and one more from THE BYRDS song:  My Back Pages.




The line states:   "……  Using ideas as my maps"   "…..    We’ll meet on the edges, soon."




And that is where I begin.  Looking back and finding a song written by Bob Dylan.  Introduced  to me as a song sung by THE BYRDS.  I don’t know my music history.  Written in the 60’s and now 50 years  have passed.  And the idea behind all of this might be:  We Change.  What you think now is probably not be what you think when you are older."  And that’s it.  Maybe I should stop now.  Meet on the Edges.  Stop.  And think about it.  If I can.  And perhaps thrive on that which comes from you.  Your comments and how that settles into my subconscious.  In the days that follow.  After Thoughts.

SWIFT RENDITION

SWIFT RENDITION





 
I am caught up with an afternoon dilemma and its Monday.   Been going through the routine that is scripted for the first work day of the week, but then it needs to be adjusted for the fact that I am retired, and not like you, in the sense I had to work all day and waited for this moment when I could sit down at my computer, at home or in a coffee shop, and do the social and media scene, determine what I have been missing and pine away in my mental box, wishing to be more like the digital you, and not feeling myself at all.  Not like that for me.  Maybe its not like that for you, but a rare projection of that which occupies me night and day, in my subconscious.  Truth is that a swift rendition means more than one thing to me, and since I am retired, but pretend I am not, hence get active on the internet at any time I choose, and do what you might do,

only not at work.  




 
Swift Rendition and it could be a song or musical experience that attached to me back when I was young and influenced by the music I would hear, and associate it with the person I was dating or married to or just wanted to be with.  Swift Rendition and it might even be a dual apprehension of a negative aspect that I was drawn to, like moth to light or fire.  Dual and now its up to me, and it always is, to figure out what it means to me, and why on this day, I find it important to pursue.  Swift Rendition.  Wonder what it means to you?  On the Internet, looking for company and somebody that finds this a proper topic:  Swift Rendition and now we play it.  1-2-3.  And is that it?  Swift and now I’m gone, or just that fact that I have listened to a rendition of a favorite song that is being done, by somebody new.  Not the original at all.  And I wonder.  Positive or Negative, what does this mean to me.  Today.





Am dealing with duality.  Spirit or Body.  And in a simple telling, rendition means, "handing over."  And then there is the extraordinary rendition, that is the apprehension and extra-judicial transfer of a person from one country to another.  Difficult at best to understand the simple and the complex, side by side and in different versions.  Like a rendition of a song, from old to new, done in an entirely different form, you hardly recognize it as the song you learned and associated with your first love, back in the day when any was possible.  So young.  Swift rendition and has this anything to do with CIA Renditions and the dude named Snowden, who admitted to it all, when she sang out, "My Bad." 

 


 So here I am.  I hear again, the chorus to that song I first heard when I was 16.  Lovely.  Not rap music.  Nobody had to die, back then.  Innocent and harmless.  But not now.  Dealing with a duality and a simple telling, which only means I am handing over all those things that happened to me in the past, moving forward, and trying to make it all disappear.  A   Swift Rendition.  Make it disappear.  My duality.  Make me single again.  Willing and Ready and Able to fall in love once more.  Regain my innocence.  Is that possible? 

 Not sure.






Swift Rendition.  Good or Bad, or just a product of society and the common mind, living today with so many instances of duality, caught between the body of facts and the condition of soul, attempting to express itself in music, finding something new in the harmony of the past, now out of popularity with the young audience that buy music or steal it from the internet.  Hard to understand this practice of questionable legality, which is what we do in the new world.  New construction.  Rewording or interpretation of a perfectly good song, I grew to love.  But then what did I know about the real world, back when I was 16.  Falling in Love.??




 
Swift Rendition of old music, not played or listened to.  Beethoven’s First.  Not to be the last, and now comes new and improved as a new arrangement, I am suppose to get use to.  Get Real.  Adapt.  And that is how I see it.  A practice of questionable legality, who are you to tell me, what I am suppose to do?  Probably not correct to discuss this in light of CIA Renditions.  The damage has been done.  I heard the new arrangement.  Didn’t like it.  Now am part of the resistance.  Not sure if I will be charged with anything.  Of course I am hoping for a happy ending.  Want and intend to have a close relationship with you.  Preserve those feelings I had at age 16.  Don’t want to be abducted by today’s sudden change of mind.  But wait, is there enough tolerance and leeway to allow me what I want?  Not sure.  Swift Rendition.  









Will I disappear?

And Be Duality:

Lost Love. 

And

A Love Song I listen to on YouTube.

But its not the same. Happening at the same time.

And

I Don’t Like It. 

IS THAT IT ?

IS THAT IT  ?




 

I am looking for that which separates and defines the most important element on a Friday to Monday session that will never fail to satisfy and keep me occupied, regardless of what is going on outside in the external realm, where I can read about it, but not do anything at all to change the outcome as reported in the google banner that takes up space on the page that I have dialed up by calling on my Home Button. 



 And here I am, looking for a do-over.  My goals are set.  Define and Separate.  Do it between Monday and Friday, and for the most part it doesn’t matter what time it is in your neighborhood, lets’ start now.  Not sure if its the subject matter that will be engaging, or the ring you put on my finger, as we end the night, and you have picked me up on a dance floor, total stranger who seems nice, he is.  





He is available and am seeing him for the first time.  Pure instinct and spontaneous, these things happen when we are young, but not now and certainly not in a blog.  But wait.  Did I miss something?  I have seen a lot of blogs and seen love happen after she signs in and says, "Befriend Me."  And then for the next 6 months and until she disappears, never to be seen again, its all about him being the one and how he has become her digital prince.  So I have seen it before, am internet and blog savvy.  





What did I miss, not much.  So what is that essential thing I am looking for, and will I know it when it touches me, or before the moment of impact, when suddenly bold Letters declare, "Is That It?"   And that is my blog topic for today.  Hope I know before the weekend is over.  Is That It?  Or must I wait another week, and do it all over again as I look time and time again for that which separate and defines that which never fails to satisfy?

 

I haven’t decided if this is a head-game I am playing.  Nor if its possible to be satisfied.  Quite conservative I am, but pride myself on being collaborative and I have had a few sexperiences and moments of delight that I thought, "This is it.  This will last."  And I would be the last to know, when it was over.  But over it was, the euphoria of that which I was sure, would last forever.  


 


And Now I’m Good.  Weekends come and go.  I’m still looking and now will be satisfied with most anything that presents itself as fun.  Have dropped the special and the eternal satisfying part.  Go at this as if I am smart and educated and can handle it with a sense of humor, if indeed all falls apart, without warning.  How it is.  Is That It?   And should I begin the next generation of blue, when it rains and pours and getting wet happens, but not the way I had hoped for it to be.  Perhaps there is a reasonable explanation for Monday and my recollection and dismissal of all that happened, but did not qualify as defining and separation from the insane.  Can’t say it turned out to be a total failure, but then I think I might be ruled by my bias and my intentions that were programmed at birth.  







So now its time to become specific.  It doesn’t matter who you are, at the start I give the benefit of the doubt.  You could be the one.  Name a Team.  Wear a Uniform.  Ask me to pay to be with you.  And that’s when it happens.  My Bad begins to show.  I develop attitude.  Friday night and he may be drunk.  But not likely on coffee and cigarettes and an absentee-ballot.  Still waiting for satisfaction.  And I can tell you, on preview of two games, I am not in love with you.  In fact not sure I even like you.  Boston Red Sox.  St. Louis  Cardinals.  Baseball in Winter.  

Not sure I like you.  Is That It?

YOUNG AND WELL-ENDOWED

YOUNG AND WELL-ENDOWED




 

It has been a long time since I have been in the mood.  Long time and writing hasn’t come easy.  But will try to keep this in good taste, and yet say what is on my mind.  Want most to relate to this blog, but each in their own way.  And can say without fussing, I am older and wiser now.  So realize a good tease is like a good sneeze.  It just gets everything out there.  Nothing wrong with being you and well endowed.  You might be like that, even now.  And if this is the case, must say, "Its nice to know you."  Some things just stay frozen in time.  Faded picture in a drawer.  You see it and smile and remember back.

 "Those were the days.   Oh so lovely."  



 

And so is with that reference point I bring this blog to life.  At some time in the past, it was like that.  I met you.  Was equally impressed.  And so I will try to weave this story together and share the wealth.  Is fun to do it that way.   Seek balance.  Young and Old.  Well-endowed.  She has beauty and a zest for life, in great abundance.  See her standing by her pool and you just know.  Attractive and activates the senses and a sense of self in another time.  We have all been there, or perhaps are there now.  And we know, Life is a Gift.  We should enjoy it.



 

When you have children, it is easy to recall the beauty of it all.  Young and Well-Endowed.  Nice smile.  Nice top.  Leaves an impression and you realize why we live and love and have children and protect them, at all costs.  In many ways, I am developing a dual theme.  The personal expression of things in life that are precious and few and time-locked.  Over time things change.  And that is part of this blog.  Partly what comes to me as I remember when and where and how we met.

 How we just couldn’t resist.  
How and When and Where, but never 
Why?  




Why did things turn out as they did.  Behind me stands the memory of you.  Our conversation.  Our time together.  For some and with some, it was online and totally digital.  Never kissed and touched.  You were there.  I was over here.  And yet, it registered.  Young and Well-Endowed.  And special.  That was then.  This is now.  Time moves on.  And just the other day, we were talking.  Remembering certain things.  And was that 5-6 years ago.  "Let’s have tea.  Sit down for a friendly."  Could have been a daydream.  Could have been an alternative reality.  Could have been, but then it wasn’t.  Or maybe it was.  Over time, things become distorted in my mind.  What was I thinking then.  What am I thinking now. 





 When you have children, it all becomes a blur.  So much to do.  Nothing remains the same.  And then one day.  You look in the mirror.  And say, "Older and Wiser Now."  I love my children.








Wonder of The World.  Natural Beauty.  And I remember back.  Standing by the pool.  Young and Well-Endowed.  Etched in my mind.  If ever I pass that way, let’s meet.  "Have a cup of tea.  You and I."  It was digital and far away.  And at the time, I was learning what it meant to live and love and lose.  And that’s where I want to take up the dual story line at this point.  Older and Wiser now.  But have a faint glimpse of it all.  A new country without a lot of people.  Trees and Shoreline and shinning clear water.  



 

A pristine place to be.  Natural Beauty.  100 years ago.  1913.   I wasn’t alive then, but my grandfather was.  And a few years later, maybe 1919 my father was born.  Born of the land and trees and water you could drink from the well or bubbling stream that flowed nearby.  A 100 years has passed. 


 


 But still I remember hearing about how we must protect the land and the children and the beauty of this place, called home.  Home and now its been violated.  Population increase.  No longer young and well-endowed. 

100 years.  Its different now.



 
Maybe I am talking about you.  No longer young and well-endowed, but still you can relate.  You see the possibility in your own children and their children.  Too late to apologize that we cut the trees down, and put concrete and buildings where they once were.  Too late to apologize about urban expansion and density.  Too late to apologize for global warming and the raging wild fires, now consuming Australia.  


 



Suffering and Difficulty.  Too late to apologize for all that.  So instead, I do what I can to protect and keep the safety net near my children and the ones I love. 

Instead I write a blog, shed a tear, and tell my children.  "Stay Near."  "Stay Safe."  "Stay With Me."