All or Nothing

All Or Nothing

I have an hour to kill.  Means I have time on my hands and is disposable power and energy and effort that is my resource.  One hour and it will be devoted to a blog .  Wanted to call it:  All Or Nothing Person, but wanted enough people to read to make it all worthwhile.  Have learned over the last 10 years of blogging, that the title is important, and like pictures or graphics on a can or cover of a book, can make a big difference.  So am staying away from my first choice, which means that this might be a first person narrative,  A or B Person.  And it might well be, but will not start with that as my intent.  All or Nothing says to me:  All that remains between point A  and point B can be described as bullshit or trivial pursuit.

Diminished over a gradual line of the visible to the invisible.  Extremist position and is either one or the other, without consideration of all that falls between to make the structure viable:  beginning and End, without consideration of the bridge material between these two points.  So Extreme and will consider how to blog about this:  All or Nothing.

So what does All-or-Nothing say about you?  Don’t know you and have tried to not make this personal, but really was told to write about things you know or have first-hand knowledge about. MEE.  MEE.  Close encounter of the personal kind.  Start with personal and end with ‘nothing’, might make sense when we are kind enough to say, “seems like me, but in the end, will be without a body, and wonder if you will just stop giving me your attention, at that point.”   But then I read, “Oh my departed one, I think about you every day.  Have memories.  Read the books and blogs you wrote.”

 

And All-or-Nothing as one important meeting point comes alive, and it pleases me when I think, “It happens.”  Chronic dissatisfaction with the state I am in.  But that isn’t what I was really going to write about, as I seek a positive position here, and in life.  So leave me out of the conversation and see if we can still have an interesting discussion carried on by means of blog and words and a fair exchange.  All or Nothing logic and it comes from me.  Not extremist but influenced by my environment and occurrences of the time I was a material force in life.

Thrill of the chase, and he likes to see you as you are.  Face to Face and has made serious decisions and commitments to reinforce this for-instance.  Time Change and the world is not perfect for the all-or-nothing approach he has lived with since his time began.  Regressing to the Dark Ages and before technology gave us The Internet and hand-held smartphones, and instant communication, remote and at a distance.  Followed by Skype and Hangout and other social media that allows communicating face-to-face, but without physical touching.

 

Personal interaction and has many of the elements of his old world, but without the spontaneous moment of the kiss, face to face.  Not that sealed and delivered is important, with honest proclamation that “…the check is in the mail.  Just wait for it.”, is tried and true and they fall for it every time.    Never as good as the spontaneous interaction between two individuals, but will settle for it, if that is all there is.  All-or-nothing, and the impact of the message might be:  take it or leave it.  No compromise.  This is how our world is now, and have no ability or time or resources to jump between screen and you, to make this kiss seem like the real deal.

And so we improvise.  Use social media to convey what once was an intimate exchange between two people.  Don’t think like that now.  Invisible Kiss and means very little to me.  Like I write something, and instantly see a tally of like indicators.  10 people liked what I wrote.  Not sure if the rest of humanity just hates me, or the things I said, or what?  Not sure if I am living in an all-or-nothing environment now, and must be satisfied with what comes to me.  Like-Messages and maybe that is positive.  Not sure.

Strange reckoning for the guy who has always wanted a face to face involvement with others.  If you like me,  just show up and venture a kiss.  Something tangible I can relate with.  Smiley faces and Like-Indicators and Lip Service at a distance, and I am thinking:   All-or-Nothing is what we are dealing with now.  “It’s like the real you being photo-shopped and sent out.”  Between you and I, but then the whole world gets involved, and somehow I feel violated.

 

“ Not happy to be with you, this way.”  Little by little you learn to not trust people, and the new infrastructure.  Becomes unreal, and you stage a protest and fight for things that no longer exist.  You stand your ground.  Say it in public:  “All-or-Nothing.  Show up and kiss me.”  Your alternative ways are not doing it for me.  Like buttons and smiley face.  Some place between All or Nothing these things exist, but not for me.  Guess I am old age and stone-ground and very solid on this particular part of our everyday and modern life.  Face-to-face and “kiss me.”, or just go away.”   Is the platform I depend on, and mostly I am alone now.    The good days and we kiss them goodbye.  Such is the life I am experiencing side by side with The Internet and Social Media.  And he says it one more time.

 

“Not happy to be with you, this way.”  Second Fiddle on a dusty Texas road, and it is as if the sound and the melody do not carry, and is lost somewhere between us.  Guess we can call that the All-or-Nothing Place and just know:  it is not what we are looking for.  That spot on the map where happiness is found and seeing it on the Internet via webcam and screen, well it is just not how I expected it to be.  Face to Face, and a quick kiss.  Now compromised in a shared world that is seen, but not felt. The way we once did it is not the way it is today and Is one of the few regrets I have, just now.

 

Dodge The Question

Dodge The Question

Word association and compatibility, and the final version of this, “It is what it is.”  Not sure I am aware of what to expect when dealing with others.  Dodge The Question seems to line up with Dodge Ball, something I played when a child.  Goal:  Try to not get hit.  Catch the ball if its coming at you.  Don’t Take A Hit.  And some reason now and years later, am considering a blog about something like this that comes my way.  A Ball.  An Inquiry.   Mystery and you just never know.  From years of dealing with wife, and friends and females that just have that special way.  Comes down to basic training, and personal skills.  How to dodge and Not Take a Hit.  Seems like I am okay with the idea of life as a competitive event.  Not a sport, but used the same word, DODGE.  Ball or tongue, and what comes out of one’s mouth, and is a pivotal time for me, learning to deal with others.  Will take the time to investigate and see what it is I want to discuss in today’s Blog.  Dodge The Question.

 

So it is not a game and she is dead serious when she asks you something.  Takes time to learn that this is just the way it is.  Casual or unusual timing, and its not a crime to say, “Not in the mood for this.  Let’s talk later.”  Hoping later it is not the same inquiry, and he can come up with a different technique for dodging the question she sends his way.  Not always like that, and dodging the ball and treating it like a game, happens.  But is it the way it usually is?  And to determine that he needs to do his homework.  Put on his thinking cap.

Dodge the bullet, or the ball or the question coming his way, with the objective being,  survive and prosper and make good with another round of volley coming his way.  Not impossible, but takes practice.  Dealing with the opposite persuasion.  Neck and Neck, and too close to call, who the winner is, when it comes to being on the court, or in the court of a higher authority, not controlled by you.  “Answer The question.  Or pay the price and be punished as demanded by a court of your peers, or by me.”  And with that, he decides it time.  Make your move.  Dodge.  Feign.  Move.  “Don’t take a hit.”   Simple as that.

 

Not sure I am comfortable justifying the course of my actions, based on what others might be saying, or asking of you.  Each his own, and is a matter of individual choice, what others do.  And when they impose on you an inquiry from their mind, and its coming at you,  again he asks himself, “What are my choices?”  And not going at this as if its 20 questions, and there is a right answer for the first question that comes your way.  Bundled and part of a behavioral practice, and he decides  dodge the question, for now.  Might say, “This is good.  Let’s discuss this later.”  And isn’t something he learned in school, but rather on the street and during play.  Dodge Ball and it pleases him that at this endeavor, he is very good.  “Doesn’t take a hit.”  And leaves before he is sore and bruised by incoming objects directed at him, and it reminds him,  this includes words.  Word association.  Guilty by association.  What you say next, might be the start of one’s demise.  Never certain the timing or the direction of a direct hit, but even so, he has had practice.  Thinks he is ready.  “Let’s begin.”

 

Not sure at this point if it should be direct answer or an ad-lib misdirection try.  Try as I must and will,  not sure there is one way to deal with this.  Certainly infinite possibility is within one’s reach.  This is what he is thinking, but of course what comes next, is never certain.  A host of issues divide us, and there is a line we have established, to be aware of the next assault, verbal or physical, or both.  Dodge The Question and it is obvious he would when asked,  “Do I look pretty today.”  And he totally hates her current look.  Honesty  or Brevity, and do what you can, to avoid being in harm’s way.  A tongue lashing and verbal assault in proportion to one’s answer, and his phone rings with an alert.  “Avoid this at all costs.”  Let’s the message go to storage and decides,  “This can wait.”    But of course this is but one person’s opinion, and might not be the best alternative when standing near a loaded gun.   “Get Out of Dodge.”  And makes a promise to look that up on Google Search, when he has more time.

Not sure why this is my theme for today.  Hidden Word Puzzle Game, and it seems to involve  the word or idea:  Dodge.  Avoiding what comes your way, with perhaps a generic fake answer. First one needs to decide, “What are we talking about.”  “Is there a reputation or something I have that I must defend?”  Avoidance and sometimes its just a matter of timing.  Why cause a disturbance  or shake up the tranquility that comes with good weed and its certain buzz.?  Am not an English major enthusiastic, and prefer a good look, to a long sentence.

Oh wait,  I digress.  Is vague and full of confusion, the answer received.  So he says, “Whoa Nelly.  Time out.”    “Subfugate.”  Is not a real word, but he recites it as if it is.  Puzzling, but by now she is used to the way he moves and what he says, when pinned against a wall.  “In Coming and we wait for further reply.”  Of course we could be waiting for a long time, but at some point the rules change, and we are playing, Sudden Death.   The inquiry or ordeal goes on until both parties have reached a mutual satisfaction.  He keeps going.  “Don’t Take A Hit.”   She keeps asking, and he thinks.  “Better Off Dead.”  But of course this is a generalization and they are playing Sudden Death.  Somebody has to lose.  That is what the rules say.  But he is uncertain about the details.  He would rather not talk  just now.

Lately everybody is talking about ‘THE CLOUD.”  Is something technical and has to do with Networking.  Collusion.  Cloud The Issue.  Handy with words, she is.  “Subterfuge.”  And he comes back with another of his patented version of reality.  “Obfuscate.”  Evasion of a special sort, and being at the same time.  Using The Cloud.  And he seems to be proud of it.  His ability.  Create a Smoke Screen.  Then run.  Is one of his favorite things to do, when she is closing in and seeking the truth and more detail.

 

Now is time to submit my final word on the subject of being evasive and not taking a hit, when it comes to such things as interactions and collision points in everyday affairs.  Will help me if I rediscover discipline and staying on topic.  Helpful hint might be the word for the day:  Dodge.  And the phrase that follows:  Dodge The Question.  As we know he likes sports and loads up on baseball and a little practice football, this time of the year, at the expense of more useful things, like being with others and engaging in word play.  Connective tissue and to start with words, reminds me of my favorite expressions:  “Don’t start with me.”  And when this happens it seems to be a reflexive action for him.  He clams up.  Goes deaf-mute silent and we can tell by the look on his face,  he will dodge the question.  So talking should probably be deferred until after lunch, when he is resting and you can try again.  “Hit him with your best shot, and see what happens.”  Not sure this is a suggestion from The Sage, or just something you keep telling yourself.  But is good to know, over the years he has slowed down, and doesn’t play the game as he once did.  So is best to keep at it.

“Hit him with your best shot, and see what happens.”

 

A Different Insanity

A Different Insanity

Not my first choice to start the day with conjecture or arguing about who said what to who.  Want my cup of coffee or tea, and a moment to sit and reflect.  Thoughts I had before going to bed last night:  “I should blog.  Has been a while.”  Then it came to me and to make sure it stayed at the top of my circulating thoughts file, I wrote it down.  A Different Insanity and was not sure how I would elaborate and expand this into a blog others would benefit or enjoy reading.  GSW and CIA and ABC’s of a world that has in many ways gone beyond what I am capable of dealing with.  Hence, am comfortable that this is somebody else’s event-filled calendar and life, and that I could rest on what got me here.  “Now stay retired.”  Is a voice I am hearing and I wonder if it is the means of modern technology and media display that puts thoughts in my head?

Remember when they were doing their best to get me to say,  “Yes,  I hear voices.”  Can’t remember all the things they asked of me, but finally my niece would say, “Enough.  We are going home.”  Turned out to be the family solution, and that might be:  “If it is something you can handle within the family or in-house, leave it in the closet, and certainly don’t discuss such things in public.  Family Issues and when I think about it,  that is one form of insanity that comes to mind, featured on the  Wayback Machine Database.  Insanity and what are we talking about, when we should go back to the old fashion way of dealing with such things.  In-house.  No strangers through the front door.  It is in the closet, leave it there.

Not sure who is putting these ideas in my head.  Albert Einstein.  Narcotics Anonymous.  The Organization Internet.  Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.

Doesn’t sound like a scientific doctor-based explanation.  Now reading that the definition of insanity is the most over-used cliché of all time and am hoping to find a way to climb out of the box or closet I find myself in.  Be careful  what you say, else the probable outcome will be some sort of official determination.  “Just plain crazy.  Lock them up.”  Mental health and cattle prod and in the beginning would hear about treatments that mentioned electricity and front lobotomy and asylum.  Beyond the family closet scheme, and think perhaps in a different time I would never be sitting before a computer, sharing these thoughts.  Instead, and we didn’t talk about it what the alternative treatment might be.  Leave it to the family, and do the best one can.

 

Tabaco and Opioids and alcohol.  Treatment for what ails you.  Insanity and in the old days that would be one way to say it.  Repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.  No COPD.  NO death by liver failure.  Drugs and addiction.  Leaving me to think:  “Insanity is.”   And drawing a blank.  Is what happens when parents start with you, impressing in no uncertain terms,  “Children should be seen, but not heard.”  The doorway to silence is their teaching and imprint on you.  But now he is all grown up.  Has his own ways of doing things, and sits at a computer.  Writing this blog.  A different Insanity and he wants to clarify what that means to him.

Can’t do something over and over again and expect a different result.  That is insanity.  So going beyond what we did before and settling on the here and now and present moment solutions, he thinks he is looking at a different insanity, but is struggling to say exactly what the difference is.  How Stuff Works is a internet site that gives me some information about all of this.  Types of Insanity.  Break it down, but don’t get carried away, and certainly be careful what you say.  “Do you hear voices.”   “Have you ever thought to hurt self or others?”  “Do you drink or smoke?”   All leading up to somebody making a determination about you.  Insanity and this could be a variety of disorders.  Inside the mind, and am wondering now, “Yours or mine?”  Have to be alert to how stuff works and if by answering their questions, you reach a different insanity.

A different insanity and wonder if this is not but one person’s call for help.  “Don’t put me behind bars.  I may be affected by the world in front of me.  But please, Don’t Say I’m crazy.”  People and we come in all different sizes and with conditions we would perhaps rather not talk about.  Thinking I need help and support.  But then am unsure, where I would go to find something like this.  In a world where people at the top, wheel and deal and cajole, to get support for a healthcare bill that has grown less popular with more exposure.   Is what Grandmother and Grandfather said, “Put it in the closet.  Family and handle it in-house.”  Remain strong and be silent.  Insanity is, and this is what we will do to make sure it is not one of our greatest accomplishments.

The elders have spoken.  Best to keep negotiation about such things a big secret.  Behind closed doors, and then just pass the health care proposal.  Insanity is.  Hasn’t changed much since Grandfather’s time.  We have the internet.  And mass communications that put words in our mouth and in our head.  “Do you hear voices?”, and would bet that 99 % of the time, is just what it is.  No way this should happen, but it does.  Crazy people everywhere.  “Want to buy some dope?”  “light up but don’t stand in the doorway.”  “Let’s get a drink after work.”  And it happens.  Seems normal and is probably the different insanity that I am talking about.  Not sure.

Sanity and madness, and perhaps that is what this blog should be about.  1’s and O’s and is the code behind the scenes that makes sense on the screen.  New reality or just a spin off that combines old and new math techniques.  Lost in so many ways, the true meaning of things, am good to accept the idea of different personalities within the same body and mind.  The Silent Type and would that be Mr. O.  And then comes the necessary other:  Mr.  1.   1’s and 0’s and after that a combination of both that makes it happen in their world.  All a big mystery to me, but am old school and didn’t learn it the way it is  today.

Keep it simple.  1’s and 0’s.  sanity is one.  Madness is the other.  Other than that, operate each day with a clean slate.  White board.  1’s and 0’s.  No reason to inflict harm on self or others.  Recognize that all of this is just part of the human condition.  None of us are perfect.  Leave the insane discussion for another day.  Let others deal with healthcare and what is good for the society.  Have tea or coffee.  Be happy.  As somebody once said,  “this too will pass.”  Not sure if this has anything to do with me.  But am aware.  “Be careful when they ask,  “Do you hear voices.”  Best to not give them the alternative version.  “Don’t hear voices.  Just see 1’s and 0’s.  Sanity  and Madness side by side.”   Is what I see.  “Hear voice, not so much.  I seldom listen to the news.”  He smiles and leaves it like that.  Morning and he has finished his tea or coffee.  Ready for his day.  Blog written.  He is happy now.