what do I know?

WHAT DO I KNOW?

Sounds like a good title, for those of us who operate from the fringes of limited knowledge and expertise.  Not saying I don’t know how to tie my shoes, or that Velcro on Nike shoes is limiting me, is more like I can’t afford $130 for shoes I will retread in 90 days or less.  Not sure if it happens because of fashion and what others think, or because a new media show during football season, changes my mind.  I am susceptible,  To a pretty face and a compelling smile, and susceptible to advertising and manipulation by Apple, Google and Microsoft.

 

 Amazon and others send me a book, and suddenly I am dependent on them to supply my needs.  Greed and Enterprise reap great gains, and leaves me in the after-stages of catching my breath and catching up.  So what does this have to do, with people like you and I?   

going to school and involved in life to receive  the platform of basic training and knowledge.  What are your survival skills?  Who supports you, and then the anti-thesis, what  or who is your worst enemy?  Self or others, and what do I know about gauging the local influence against the outside mass of people, not yet in my jurisdiction or functioning range?  I don’t know you, so what do I know?  My subject for today.

 

Help is just in front of me, and all I need to know, is where.  Then I need to know how much effort it will take to rally the forces against good and bad, find a middle course and spot, and just wait for others to join me.  In theory, sounds like a good plan and something that might work, but then realize I am operating locally against a global force without a name, and I have no idea to bring them to my dinner table, talk nice and socialize and win them over, one meal and menu course at a time.  Appetizers.  Soup and bread.  A little salad maybe.  What will it take to get a little help for the things that ail me, or could be a problem in the near-future?

 

The answer is elusive, as is my best mate.  Gone and yet not forgotten, what do I know, when in recovery and it takes longer to find a fix, than the few pills I took, not knowing what they would do to me.  Pharmacology and recreational.  I know now, what I should have avoided.  Elusive, and continues to be a moving target on the other side, when the global element works its magic, but unfortunately not for me.  Even so, I remind myself:  Help is on the way.  How do I know?   I read it in a book.

Talking and walking and semi-functional.  What Do I Know, and why might this be important, makes me wonder if I should complete this blog, and draw others close and into a conversation that might be never ending.  Flora and Fauna, global and local, and then something Stoney calls,  discovery.  Learned it when he had jury duty.  Falls under the heading of frequently asked questions, and dealing with it, when you ask:  what does this have to do with me?  Global or local discovery and until you study up and know the language that pertains, it is all about Applying Rules of Discovery to Information Uncovered while reading a blog, such as this one.

What do I know?  Local or Global.  Down on my luck and short of resources.  Gather and assemble reasonable assumption about my situation and where I find myself in the present moment.  But I know this is a temporary condition.  Know that when you come home, elusive one; help will arrive.  Of course, it might a little time for you to be comfortable with the situation and what absence adds or takes away from everyday life.  Not sure it is a distance proposition, where GPS can locate us, and fix everything. 

 

In the meantime, I worry about the little things.  And then I worry about you.  What if you never find your way back, and when you do I am unaware of the person you have become.  Each year, they bring out a new line of product.  Nike and the shoes I have learned to tie, are now Velcro and I am allergic to something they use to complete the construction of the foundation in the shoes they now try to sell me.  What do I know?  Is it enough to handle the new situation I find myself with, and can I take your hand, convince you that nothing has changed, and that as soon as you have had some time to deal with jet lag and cultural difference, we will just be as before.  Before and very much in love.  In love with you.  In love with my new shoes.  In love with the very idea that love just is.

And that brings me to the point of being a hopeless romantic.  Have decided that if we are nice to each other, through good times and bad, we might come to the position of tolerance and perhaps real love.  But that depends on a lot of variables, and what do I know about balancing the forces of good and evil, and even more to the point, what do I know that will help me deal with today’s reality.  Elusive and out of sight, but not out of mind. 

Just had something called Memorial Day.  Think about it.  Felt what it was like without you, and realized.  It takes special energy to complete this thought.  What is it like in a world without love?  And has me asking, about this: what do I know?  And the answer is simple.  I know enough to keep looking and have a little faith that such behavior will harvest reward.  And soon, you will come to me.  With a kiss and fresh energy.  Renewing our vows of love and care, and being together.  Best we can.  

 

blogger as published author

 

BLOGGER AS PUBLISHED AUTHOR

 

I have been thinking about this blog since last Friday, when I went online and downloaded an e-read version of a mystery novel:  Rich Girl, Poor Girl, Dead Girl: Michael Morrison

 

Took me 3 days to read after seamlessly downloading the e-reader version of this book.  Turns out I did get a alert from Amazon.com that my printed version of the book would arrive on Tuesday, day after Memorial Day, via post or ups or anyway, it would arrive.

 

Reacting to the link below, which also links us to a thougths.com post that the author completed.  All about how to get a copy of his book.  And so I did as my head instructed.  Ordered both versions of the book for less than $20 dollars.  Will have it signed later when we meet for a author’s celebration at the place I take people on special occasion. Not sure how much of this needs to be told or spelled out.  The point for me is to blog about this event.   Going from a blog writer to the special condition of being a published author.  For Michael Morrison, who I know as Pastor Mike this was accomplished recently, and now I am blogging about it, because I do think the owner of this website:  Thoughts.com  had this in mind when he first established this outlet.  It would be for writers and it would be done in community.  So this is my simple recognition of many years writing blogs at thoughts.com.

 

And now I have read the book.   Rich Girl   Poor Girl  Dead Girl.   By Michael Morrison.

Another link found when I googled the above information:  book title and author’s name.

http://pastormike.thoughts.com/posts/how-you-too-can-own-a-first-edition

Mostly I am done with this blog.  Tribute Blog in the sense I mention the experience of ordering and reading this book.  And can say it was a good experience.  Will put the book on my private bookshelf.  Will smile when its signed and put away for safe keeping.  Have already finished the e-reader version and in three days, it was done.  But the memory of the read remains.

Mostly by doing google you can see material and book reviews.  So that is not something I will do here. What I will say, “Well Done, Pastor Mike.”

And that takes me to a sense of full circle when it is known:  Bloggers can be published author, also.

 

obscure reasons for being here

OBSCURE REASONS FOR BEING HERE

 

All day I have wanted to write a blog, but until now did not know what I would write about.  Then it came to me that I could sit in the quiet and removed from people, make up my mind what it might be, to share with you and be comfortable doing so.  It has been an interesting day.  But will not bore you with the facts of something like that.  Instead, will settle on a blog theme, title and content and offer it here.  In making my final selection, I toyed around with the idea of analyzing obscure reasons for being here in the first place.  

 

But then I found that I had a problem.  Presented itself when I realized that I needed a universal understanding and agreement of the word obscure, and then deal with the complexity of compound words, or connected phrases.  All in all, gave myself zero chance of achieving universal understanding, or anything close.

 

Obscure as an adjective and it started causing some doubt that this is a blog that people might enjoy, and did not want to spend my brief time in blog space, building a case for obscurity, when really all I was doing on this Saturday night was hiding out and enjoying my freedom to just be me, out of sight and out of mind.    Helps that I know what I am saying here, and checked the definition of obscure.  Turns out I am comfortable with this first idea of what obscure or obscurity might be.  Conceal.   

Hide.   

Prevent from being seen or discovered.  

 

So now I consider the first two words used in the title of this blog.  Obscure Reasons.   Consider the obvious.  This is a stoney blog.  Stoney has a history, but not a terminal illness or condition.  Readers need not to worry,  Stoney comes this way.  Pre-packaged and perhaps crushed where  it counts the most,.  Who is  to say, this is something to be concerned about.

 

Suddenly I feel catapulted into a no-man’s-land and am unsure of the words I am using.  Flashbacks to second grade where I am encouraged to use my words and explain just what it is I want, need or am trying to impart to you.  

 “Use your words, Son.”  

 And now I can admit that many years later, it is still unclear to me now, what it really means:

“Use your words.”  “

 

What did you mean to say, but did not?”  Turns out that this has me thinking that I am incapable of sharing obscure reasons for being here.  I will give it a try with  fingers on keyboard, redirecting my thoughts into something we can commonly agree upon.  Then I realize I am having a moment of grandeur when and where I think everything is possible.  Common agreement.  People coming together for an agreed upon purpose.  12 people in the jury box, expecting or trying for a unanimous decree.  Democracy and the rule of law on display.  Is a good example of people coming together for a single purpose.    

Or not.

 

Am afraid that this blog will be nothing more than a compendium of invented words, or even worse, a blog that he is perfectly happy with, but nobody else relates to, nor understands.  Of course, I might be okay if I just do what I am told. 

 “Use your words, son.”  
 
  More than one explanation for something that is obscure.    Not clear.  Ambiguous.  Vague.  Uncertain.    And the more I look into the meaning of a single word, I realize this is getting more difficult with each line written.  Comes down to a realization  that multi-cultural communication is part word choice, and part state of mind and thinking that you might get me, or understand this blog, or the way I express myself here, leaves me speechless.

Using obscure methods or obscurity as a starting point, he seeks a better way to think.  Think before you speak.  Good when you realize, once said, is difficult to take it back, just in case it is not what was intended.  So what does he hope to achieve with this blog.  Autonomy.  Self-fulfillment.  Group involvement and socialization.  Relative freedom and separation from the abuse of power.  And words have power, so it is important to get it right, and not have to go back to restate and redo and redact and edit the original contribution laid out for all to see and react to. 

 

Wonder if it matters about privacy and the need for protecting oneself, while online.

Thinking about it, and this thing he calls, face-book stalking, he knows now why he doesn’t make things perfectly clear, nor does he post a picture of his dog and children.  Frame and being framed, and bringing all this into focus, there are many obscure reasons for being here. 

 

And yet not perfect in anyway, giving full disclosure to anything revealed is risky and to be avoided.  Comfortable with what obscure or obscurity might be.  Conceal.  Hide.  Prevent from being seen or discovered.   Be present, but leave yourself a little wiggle room.  And this is how this blog ends.  Giving at least one obscure reason for being here, I can say with full voice and confidence, it allows me a chance to do exactly as my teachers once directed me to do.   

“Use your words, son.”

 

THE WALL BETWEEN US

THE WALL BETWEEN US

 

I am really thinking about a wall of silence that occurs when you are separated.  Exile or just in another world or place and I just can’t be there.  Quick conversation, when it is said:,  “you just had to be there to get the full significance of what just happened.”   Time specific and being face to face does not spell things out clearly.  Somethings are lost in translation, and so much of this requires us to read into the situation and come up with an understanding that is acceptable.

 

 Lump in my throat and what comes out is an unspoken gesture of being that wants to be shared, but just isn’t going that way.  Today or yesterday, and how much has been stored behind that wall of silence that has been standing there, a monument in time to the power of symbols to bridge the gap between you and I.  Recently I have taken to my own ways in days separated by months, and have used cell phone camera to prove I exist.  Leaving out the possibility of being photo-shopped into reality that seems suitable for all occasions, I seek unique expression and experience. 

 

And that has been missing lately.  The well of words has gone dry.  Followed the advice that came to me as this, “Give it a rest.  Take some time off.  Separate and find yourself.”   And so it is, that the wall of silence has gone up.

 

So this is a blog about unspoken and it is true,  the unspoken truth about babies is that socks and shoes are not required.  Asian influence and doesn’t like to clean mud off the carpet.  So no shoes in the house, and soxs are optional.  Of course, its cold sometimes so we wear slippers or sandals or thongs.  But wearing thongs changes the subject some, and that’s when we he feels uneasy and thinks, “What’s really going on here?” 

 

Silence does that over time.  Just know:  It is not a great relationship when you never talk or share the moments of your day, week, month or year.   And without you, the children grow tall, take on breasts and beards and go off to marriage and war, and things like that.   So it has me thinking:,  Is there a greater truth that is concealed by the wall of silence that is between you and I?  Something I am not seeing or feeling or know about, hence oblivious to?

 

It is hard to measure the silence and all those things I will never tell you.  Mostly you ask, “Where is he going with all of this?”, and then realize perhaps you just won’t know.  Time passes.  You want to talk and clarify things.  But time passes, and anything you don’t already know, magnifies and solidifies  and is why he talks about a Wall of Silence.  As if its solid interference between the person we are, and the person you want me to be grows.  

 

And so, what choice do we have, when we are separated by greater truths, and a job that requires a lot of travel and commitment to other things.  Good place to remind myself to not be so hard on myself, nor you.  Unfulfilled this and that, becomes material for the Great Novel.   Original and contained within, when he blogs the silence becomes a combination of words that most likely have nothing to do with us, and is not personal enough to relate to;  being devoid of love and feelings and detail.  Is meant as a signal and we should move on.   Avoid an accident or a traffic ticket or the complications that obviously are not necessary to complete this day.  Unspoken Rules of the Road:  keep moving.

 

Wall of Silence and am thinking a kiss might help.  Kiss the Blarney Stone.  Kiss a stranger’s baby and then ask for their vote.  Election year nears.  A lot of nonsense spoken.  And it seems likely the farther out to sea we go, the less any of this seems all that important.  So it reinforces the idea to ignore it all.  Take a day off.  Do the weekend and go for a hike in some remote forest or wait, go to the lake and go out alone on quiet waters,  meditate or fish.  

Not much more to say here. 

 

Wall of Silence and we know that each of us contributes to the rising structure that mutes conversation.   One way traffic and a few cell phone pictures.  One picture is worth a thousand words, but even so.  Leaves me feeling empty.  Here alone and internalized.  Unspoken truths about you and I, and of course there is that Great Novel and Great Blog.  Just appears out of nowhere.  Great read.  Ask for more detail and we receive.

 “Am with my kids, wife or family.” 

“ Going to the cemetery to visit the dead. “

 

Of course we know, there is so much that isn’t being revealed.  Election Year.  People pointing fingers and struggling to be heard.  Aggressor-Person hoping to be elected, and of course that won’t really happen until 2016.   So here we are, guessing at what comes next.  This is where you are left with a lot of uncertainty.  Behind a Wall of Silence  or too much media coverage. The results are blatant. 

White Noise.   

 

You have to believe things are going as planned, even as you realize, only in hindsight will you catch a glimpse of anything close enough to involve you and even then, we don’t talk about it much.  We just don’t.