Fall Back

FALL BACK  



 

I have decided to give up the idea of right or wrong, suspend the way I have been, and turn at the next green light, and which way I go will be dependent on GPS that guides me and takes over all my cognitive functions.  "Go with the flow."  And see where you end up.  Giving up right or wrong, for the more prudent and pragmatic: "The best way to go is by my side, and if I am having problem decide, let the computer provide the information I am missing, and make your decision making more or less auto-pilot.  Ingenious.  Seek the pain-free way of dealing with change, and on this week’s schedule is Day Light Savings manipulation of the clocks.  Light and Change and Travel. 




 

Basics come with pulling into the Way Station and taking a time-out.  Watch a little football and take a long bath, getting the road dust off, and take in a free breakfast or two, if that is the type of place you frequent.  Out and about, and immersed in trouble-free living.  And I ask myself, "Why didn’t I think of this earlier in life, why did I wait until now?"  The answer is simple.  Read all about if you have time.  If not, glance at the pictures and move on.  One picture equals a 1000 words.  A common thought I picked up on the way to the golden age of leisure-time consumption and passage.



Wanted to write a blog before it was too late.  Have a sick computer and have found out by reading, How-Stuff-Works:  that it is never too late to smarten up and gear up for the impending doom and gloom that follows in the wake of diminishing light, and that man-made-devise we call Day Light Savings Time.  Adjust your body and the clock to take away or give back an hour.  This will happen this week, and I have decided to let the computer do all this for me.  Put my watch in the drawer.  Will not care for the rest of the week, what time it is.  When I get tired I will take a nap.  Otherwise I will use my computer to tell me what is open in the local I find myself.  Will navigate the Best Way Travel Plan. 


 

And if I miss the Sunday football game, it will be okay, as I am out and about, and will be seen not from the stadium, but from a sports bar big screen somewhere in America.  So its not like it has been in the past, where I forget to turn back the clock the night before, and wander off to the stadium on Sunday, to notice there are no people on the street or at the entrance gate.  Way too early, and everybody is sleeping in.  That’s what happens when you Fall Back and gain an hour in your day.  Fall Back.  How to deal with Mr. Grumpy, and road rage and the fallout of diminishing light, is the bases of my blog for today. 


 

And for me, messing with the clock is an ordeal.  My body mechanics become messed up for a week or so, I am grumpy and yes, it takes a while to get it right, Do Things The Best Way, and mostly just shut up and listen to the music and my travel companion, as we breeze on through another town and area, not on our radar, and then it is.  The Best Way and no more right or wrong, just a lot of Mr. Grumpy and people messing with the clock.  And Bettsie-The-Cow says, "Wake up.  I need milking."


 

Am treating the rest of the week as if it is a game show.  Contestants and Host.  Road Rage and blinding headlights when they fail to reset the dims when approaching.  "Ok folks, ready to play the game?"  this is my new approach.  Expecting a serendipitous outpouring of events that has very little to do with my heat and temperature and general downer-mood that comes when higher powers mess with my body clock and the public features of time.  The best way to lean is to be immersed in it.  Let it happen and adjust or just sleep it off.  Fall Back means we gain another hour and can stay in bed.  Real Simple.    Won’t fight it.  Each year for so many I can’t remember, I would fight it all.  The boss.  The government bureaucrat.  And the dogs and cows that want attention.  No staying in bed for the animals and the night-owls.  The best way to survive all this, is to ignore it if you can. 



Realize time travel and living at the speed of light, can make you dizzy and a little off-balance.  But then come back to earth, take a few days off.  Be magically creative and use the wise words of your traveling companion to live and learn, and get over what ever it is that ails you.  Forget about the assassination of the unnamed.  Forget about the indignities you might have felt if paying attention.  Move on and sidestep the downside of time change.  Don’t make a big deal out of nothing.  Blood sugar is low.  Get something to eat.  Best Way Theory suggests the big bang doesn’t have to happen in this current time frame.  Pull over.  Get off the road.  Get the cot and the fishing pole out.  Take advantage of your leisure time status.  Do Day Light Saving a little different this year.  Chill.  



And there you have it.  I’m booked for a few days in a road station.  Let others fight each other and the traffic.  Not confusing this time around.  Pulling into the driveway as we speak.  Can’t wait for a bath and some amenities.  Might be that I am carrying on, and it has nothing to do with you.  For that, I say:  "Best Way.  Do what is good for you." 


 

Its just a blog and he is getting all this off his chest and mind.  Sight unseen and he is happy now.  Companion said it best, "Just stop.  I am tired of your complaining."  Time Change and the football game.  That was yesterday.  Prepare your mind and move on.  That’s what we are doing now.  Into the Way Station for a few days of dancing in the park and a few hours in the Sports Bar on Sunday.  And that’s it.   Go figure.  Fall Back and lose an hour.  Who cares.  Not me.   Not Mr. Grumpy.

Easy Speak

THE SPEAK EASY


 

At first I thought it would be another Football Saturday, college style and its late October.  Halloween and frost on the pumpkin, and all I can think about is spitting the seeds on the floor, yelling at somebody to sweep up this mess, and go for a walk, expecting the mess to be cleaned up, by the time I return.  Of course this is wishful thinking.  Am out and about, and its just myself and the dog and the big screen for entertainment.  Sure, the dog will probably eat the pumpkin seeds, then barf.  Nothing is perfect and the downside is reoccurring.  When you don’t pay a living wage, the results are predictable.  Barf.  Barf. 



 

And this is nothing you want to read on a weekend morning,  when being at work or even taking out the garbage is not what you deal with before sunset.  So this will be a misunderstood blog.  Will take some explaining on my part, and I am caught between the sun and the moon, frost on the pumpkin and he spit the seeds out.  Feel on the floor, and that by itself is disgusting.  Door slams.  Puts sign on the door. 

"Nobody Home.  Beware of Dog."

 

Saturday and the choice is college football, or walking around in the rain and cold until late afternoon when the 3rd game of the World Series will be played.  Baseball in October and you don’t want to hear what I have to say about that, or pumpkin seeds that we recycle as barf and compost.  So I am inspired by recent events.  High School Shooting in  Washington State.  Many in the hospital and some are dead.  Add that to the body-count of those in Canada a day before.  Adds up to a refusal when asked, "Do you want to come to dinner?"  I said.  "No."  Didn’t offer a reason, just said.  "Not feeling well.  Would not be good company."  So that recaps my week and how I find myself early on during this weekend.   



 

Started things out this morning by turning on the computer.  Looking for good news, and good cheer.  Looking for the positive spin, but was on auto-pilot when I typed into the search screen:  North Korea.   Came the news.  More Nuke Power.  Soon a small nuke will be available.  Blend that with orange juice and news more subtle.  School Shooting.  Death in Parliament.   Population decline in South Korea, where the average birthrate is now 1.6 children per couple.  Project this out and in 2060 this means a drastic loss.  And I am thinking: 

"What does this have to do with me?" 

And then its spelled out.  Less people and less stuff.  Less cheap stuff from Asia and Korea.  And they do speak of the unification of North and South, and the release of one of 3 foreigners that have been arrested recently for leaving a Bible in a Hotel Room, or even worse, missionary work near the China-North Korea border.  Add to this saber rattling, exchanging gunfire over the border as a way of signaling the Supreme Ruler is back.  Seems there was speculation that Denis Rodman’s Friend Forever had been disposed of.  Not around for a few weeks, going on a full month.  So it had people talking.  And this is the basis of my blog for today.  

Speak Easy.





Speak Easy and the remainder of this blog might not interest you.  By the time I get home, the pumpkin seed problem will be solved.  There will be no discussion, and I will look around to discover The-What-Next-Situation.  Won’t be talk of the school shooting in Washington State, nor about the difference of gun laws in Canada and the United States.  Instead  I want to tell you about leaving the Television/Computer Stream on, so the dog will have company while I am out.  Turned on Bing Video and went directly to Dog’s favorite show:   WebCam Japanese Girl @ 6.  Fully clothed and sitting there in Kimono, speaking in Japanese.  And this is where Speak Easy comes in.  Its for the benefit of the dog.  So less complicated is better. 

And Speak Easy comes down to a young person speaking Japanese and allowing the dog to be involved.  Japanese Language Lessons.  And yes, its true.  Gorilla’s do sign language and demonstrate some language ability.  Dog, not so much.  But that should not rule out the importance of Speak Easy and the sound of voice in a one-dog room.  No shooting or shouting.  No running.  Have seen on the other cam, that the dog does get bored, and chases thin air and its own tail, but not for long.  



 

Japanese Web Cam Girl # 6.  Takes me back to younger days when I was in school.  Studying languages and foreign culture.  Had to work, so study was part-time at best.  We didn’t have today’s technology.  And local to Global exchange was expensive.  Ocean Cable conversation at $7 a minute, when I was working for $2.00 an hour, part-time.  Had to be smart or at best keep it simple.  And it was a challenge learning Mandarin Chinese and Standard Japanese at the same time.  Speak Easy was not in play in those days.  Was a struggle to catch a word that was familiar.  "Hai  Hai." 

At $7 a minute it was an expensive lesson.  




Not sure how much stayed with me.  I am older now.  Retired, if being on the road with dog and companion is retired as you know it.  Slammed the door and walked out.  Easy Speak reminds me that I know more than most think I do.  Advanced Studies and travel and of course Japanese Web Cam Girl # 6 has brought me up to speed.  Know all I need to know about population decline in South Korea, Bibles and Nukes in North Korea, School Shooting in Washington State, and more of the same in Canada. 



Is weekend.  Have finished this blog.  Not sure how this relates to you and I.  Perhaps with the aid of Easy Speak, you will tell me.  If not, I have college football, World Series and NFL football on Sunday to distract me.  Case in Point.  Barf.  Barf.

Substitute OMOCHI  for Pumpkin Seeds

and

call it International. 


Didn’t make it over last night for dinner, but will come over soon.  Just in case, you wonder.  Is he ignoring me.  Not at all.

Just not feeling well.  Was Depressed. 

crack of the whip

CRACK OF THE WHIP

 

Inspired to fit in and go along with the crowd or herd, I need to belong and join the wave of motion that comes with an abrupt sound that comes out of nowhere, be quick on my feet and survive the first round of consequences that come when the early warning system works perfectly well, and there is this suspicion that what comes next is quick and startling.  And so I find it easy to extract from yesterday’s news and happenings.




 A gun shot.  Crack of the Whip and a blood curdling sound that stands hair on end, and before you know it, there is a lock-down, or a gathering of livestock, or if caught on camera, was verified as people running.  " Run for it."  But not before you know where you are going with this blog, or with your handling of thunder and steel nerves that follow the line of the barrel, with force and outcome that leaves you out of breath and somewhat exhausted.  And so it is, I watch the replay of video taken.  Gun shots or Crack of the Whip I can not distinguish, but with further review and knowing that I was standing in front of a frontier museum, gathering dust and waiting for the show to begin, harmless as sunlight absorbed in a bundle of hay, the idea of this being more than an ordinary occurrence, did not occur to me.    And when I saw the crowd moving, I followed.

Each day the wheels turn and I find myself farther and farther from the city of origination, where I have belonged in blue surge suits of the expensive caliber.  Those days are over.  But to say I have exchanged the Robe of City Conference for blue jeans and all-weather-hat and a bull whip or sword of slaughter, would be wrong.  Yes, its true.  I have moved on.  Yesterday’s war is today’s peace of mind.  I have left the business wars and cultural strife of wards and alleys, bustling with people and taxis and garbage trucks, behind.  Moving into the rural hemisphere of cart and horse and the crack of the whip, am ready for a new understanding, without the wound or scarred flesh that comes with the sound of thunder or flash of light.  Looking around and seeing limited movement and a handful of   people, changes my expectation. 



Tourist in the sense that I need to pay somebody to guide me into this experience.  Outsider in the sense that tomorrow I will be somewhere else, seeking service and pleasure of another brand and sort.  Spectator in the sense I have gas and wheels and it is obvious I am not here to work, but rather to consume and take what might be offered or in reach.  And it all comes to that one moment when I hear the crack of a whip or the sound of gun shot, and I asked myself.   "Am I safe."

I look around and it seems to be over before we know it.  Civil obedience and we begin to go our own way.  Haven’t registered the facts that come with the late night news.  Likely to be somewhere by night fall, it is told that only one body was found at the scene and around the block, somewhere inside another.  So not sure what happened.  Limit body count.  Crack of the Whip or Gun Shot.  Wild West or way too far north for me, I seem limited as to what can be said next.  So we move along.  Don’t really talk about it.  War and Peace.  Am I safe. 



 

And for the moment I just want to find some water, quench my thirst, find something or somebody to entertain me.  Fill the hours of my day.  Make me happy in that special way that comes with knowing, we were spectators.  Not really part of the show.  Bought a ticket.  Paid a fee.  Assembled and Attended to.  Parliamentary Procedure.  An ordered response done in an ordinary way.  Crack of the Whip.  Ringing of the Bell.  And we move along together.   One step at a time.  Expecting peace and a good time, we never really see the body or the outcome of something totally wrong.  Instead, we are here to see the show.  And when its over, most of us go home or somewhere else.  Over before we know it,  and I am less anxious and curious now.  Crack of the Whip or Gun Shot.   I don’t want to know.

THE STANDARD WITHDRAWAL

THE STANDARD WITHDRAWAL




I have 10 days to do something.  The children are in school and will be for the next 18 years.  That means I have some free time.  All the children’s needs have been met.  Has something to do with the basic contract made in bonding with parents and child.  Precious Gift of Life, and we must do all we can to make sure the promise and the dream have a chance along the pathway of life.  Home Schooling.  Foster Parents.  Institutions of Higher Learning.  Over the last hundred years or so, the options have doubled and tripled. 
We can now start an account before the children are born to pay their college costs.  In fact, this is the modern world and all the arrangements that are available for a prosperous life can probably be found online.  The Internet.  World Wide Web. 



And so much more.  Changes come daily and I am reminded that by making the Standard Withdrawal from my bank account, a hands-free method of automatic payment can and will get things done, leaving me to go back to all the things I like to do, back in my younger days.  Add the title of Single Parent and  It-Takes-A-Village-People, and our job is almost complete.  18 years is a long time, but not really.  And so I am back to my first line of this blog.  I have 10 days to do something.




Received a notice in the mail, and because I am on the road these days, it took a while for it to catch up to me.  And when it did, I shrugged it off.  Was not too concerned, until I learned that one of the many payments in life had not arrived, and this was to be my second notice.  "You have 10 days."  All this had me scratching my head.  Wasn’t sure who to call, or what to do.  So I called the number I always do, sent a copy to the person on the other end, and was reassured.  "Sir, I will take care of this for the standard fee."  And so 10 days became a month and then a year.  I made the standard withdrawal from my bank account, bought a money order, paid the voice on the other end of the conversation, via the basic convention of saying, "The Checks in the Mail."    And over the years I think about all this, from time to time.  What does it really mean when you receive a notice saying, " You have 10 days."



So now I am thinking that over a lifetime, 10 days is nothing.  Over 12 years or even longer in this modern civilization, losing track of things can happen over night, or in an instant.  Sometimes, 10 days is not enough, nor is a lifetime, to determine what really happened, and what one should do.  Then times change.  Computers and instant address with automatic spell check and auto-fill and overnight delivery.  Then comes Identity Theft and for an instance you have no idea if this communication was meant for you.  Takes a few phone calls to get the process of Learning-By-Doing started. 
Takes a little longer to realize that the Standard Withdrawal will not cover expenses.   And the cost of having children doesn’t end when you pay your first set of doctor bills at the time of their birth.  These things go on and on.   Seeing the bigger picture, I am now aware.  10 days is nothing.  I need more time.

 

As a reminder I would like to say, this is not a blog about daycare or even Home Schooling in Tennessee.  Its not even about the children.  It might be about what happens when people take the standard withdrawal and just vanish into the night.  Take the money and run.   Now this sounds like the raw ingredients for a 40 minute television show.  Pure entertainment and has nothing to do with you and I.  But over the course of my investigation, I have learned.  This could happen to you.  The standard deviation from a regular day, and things malfunction.  And you don’t even know it, and then time passes, and you do.  And this leaves you scratching your head and asking. 

"What next?"


" What next?"    You receive your second correspondence.  It says you have 10 days.  And of course, if you have money, you can hire somebody to make your problem go away.  If you don’t have money, or for the moment can’t access the money you think you have, then things become more complicated.  That indeed is what this blog is about.  Living in the modern world, while being frozen in the past.  As if time has made it possible, to pass you by and operate automatically without you.  Retirement.  Old Age.  On the road and generally having a good time.  Replace and Rediscover The Person you happen to be today, is not as easy as it sounds.  "You have 10 days."  



 

But of course as I have learned over the years, things come to a halt when you have a flat tire, or go to the ATM Machine and your account is on empty as is the  gas tank.  So there you are.  The Standard Withdrawal, and now you know.  Things have changed.  You are older now.  Memory isn’t what it use to be.  The Children are all grown up now.  No longer in school, and truth is, you have no idea where they are.  All this leaves you scratching your head and wondering.  On This Road Taken, Have We Gone Too Far?

LASSITUDE of the AGES

Lassitude of the Ages 


 

I have to begin with the idea that we know what we are doing.  Like the choice of words to express our current state of mind.  Mind your manner, and have respect for the thing that have made you who you are today, and the things that have lead to longer life and the safety of your loved ones.  And so it is, I have to check what the true meaning of the word is that has attached itself to me on this day. 

Lassitude.


 

And have spent a week of solitude and silence, reaching out but only as the plant roots plow the underground, hoping for a stronger base and foundation.  Having said all that, I am writing, and have a strong sense that blogs happen and the world is a better place.  Can’t exactly validate this thinking, except that over time the human mind and spirit has found its place among the creations of betterment, mainly the database of health and safety, defeating the plague of botox and ebola and disease, of the body and of the mind.  Again having said all that, let me continue as if I have something to sketch out here, using words and thoughts that are more than temporary madness in a turned-sideways-world, one of our own making, perhaps. 

 

lassitude

LAS'SITUDE, n. [L. lassitudo, from lassus, and this from laxus, laxo, to relax.]

    1. Weakness; dullness; heaviness; weariness; languor of body or mind, proceeding from exhaustion of strength by excessive labor or action, or other means.

    2. Among physicians, lassitude is a morbid sensation or languor which often precedes disease, in which case it proceeds from an impaired or diseased action of the organs. 

 

Found this explanation on the internet.  Paste and Copy and have not involved myself with giving credit where credit is due.  Am acting this way, because I take it as my inheritance not to get bogged down in scholarly mannerisms that become so clogged with footnotes, that the message becomes the ways of chaos and  confusion in an ordinary mind.  So here we are.  Just last week I wrote a blog titled:  Tired and Weak. 



 

And the blog had noting to do with my daily state of affairs.  Rather, I was knee deep into the idea of making known, a general condition and practice that preys on the mind of the weak and tired. A blog about tired stereotypes and weak generalizations was written.  How successful it was to tap the inner resources of a quiet internment of inherited thoughts, I can only imagine .   Those things, success or failure are in the hands and minds of others.  And so it is, I continue on.  As if I know what I am saying and doing.



 

So I write blogs, but must say:  "The habit of writing cannot conceive the exhaustion, the efforts, and the dejection of mind and body that comes with the continual and ever-present sense of loss, when a loved one dies.  Saying this, because it is a condition that happens over time.  The heaviness of loss, begins to eat on you.  And organs deteriorate as we smoke and drug and dance away the night, in a dim lit room.  But nothing happens overnight.  Happens over a life time of love and loss.  Happens as the moon rises over Manhattan, and the masses occupy the streets on their way to daily commerce.  And here I go again, being obscure and blocked in expression and thinking.  Not sure I can use Shakespeare and the breakdown of human behavior to explain myself.  Mostly I just know, I have a history with all of this.  Not here, as a stand alone figure.  Not able to just blurt out things, and think this must be true.  Am part of the ancient mystery of the white wolf and White Dog, and over time have become an elder.  Tell stories and add to the confusion that breaks down cells and the holding power of muscle and blood in capillary form.   




Am here to suggest, we can fix the problem and do better, only if we take the time to figure out what’s wrong and how this is affecting us.  You and I.  Perhaps society.  Takes a certain amount of concentration to know for sure where this is all leading to. 

Has something to do with the invasion of disease from other places, made possible by airplanes and fast flight.  Now they are screening for Ebola at the airport.  People are dying in Texas and well perhaps all over the place.  For now, we just cause general alarm by saying the word:  Ebola.  But of course, there is more to all of this than meets the eye.  We have been through this before.  Lost a son or daughter to polio or tuberculosis or a new strain of attackers in the blood stream.  Sound the alarm.  Its happening again.  Injustice against humanity.  Losing somebody or thing we dearly loved.  Programmed to care and reach out, using the expression of sadness and sorrow to make certain, you will be missed. 



It is with me.  Conflict.  Ignorance.  Confusion.   And all I can think to do, is move away.  Let my feet say, what my heart has restricted and can just not let out.  A constant pain and it is distressing me.  Not seeking early death, as I am already long into life, and have learned by doing that together we must find a way, to protect each other and to protect the best of our accomplishments, over time. " Do it for the children."   Do it because we can.  Find a way.  Find a remedy for what ails us.  Look closely at the base roots of our current disenchantment. 


 

Sing a song of freedom and release ourselves from the debilitating re-occurrence of actions and activity that make us less than we ever have to be.  Live on.  Live in the moment and find a way, to survive and be strong.  Even when it seems, this is the impossible in you, and can not happen with the help from others.


 

Navigate the hardship and steer clear of the doomsday approach.  It is known and we manage, that we are living under the strain of great expectation.  We have been successful.  We have won, when others have not.  And so there is the weight of the Super Power that compels us to try, harder and harder, until we try no more.  Weak and Tired.  Generalizations and over use of buzz words.  Can’t really put my finger on what is going on today.  Invasion of the bees.  4 people die from a massive attack, and nature’s swarm.  Along side all of this, comes Ebola and I tell myself I suffer from a condition.  Perhaps its just the state of mind I find myself in.  Lost a loved one.  Take to the road.  Try to put distance between yesterday and tomorrow. 



But the truth is, I need to relax.  It will all  work out.  Being tired and/or weary happens.  We can off set it by watching TV, Sports and Weather will remove the cloud from within and overhead.  A Clear Blue Sky.  We can overcome all of this gloom and doom.  Sure we have to let it all play out.  Last of the Baseball and now down to just 4 teams.  The best of the best.  And in the realm of football, if I were in town I would be going to the big game on Sunday next. 

 

But I won’t be there.  Perhaps in spirit and as a couch potato, I will find a place to observe  Seattle and Dallas, playing NFL football.  But he truth is, if I miss it, I will still be okay.  Out and about.  Trying to out run the history of sorrow and loss.  Working my way to freedom, one mile at a time.  Won’t let scandal or murder or the invasion of bees and virus spoil my day.  Ground speaks and I am on my way.  Won’t look back. 



 

At least not today.  Is time to avoid the darkness of self-made-tragedy.  Time to move towards the mountains and take the up-hill climb.   Time to purge and swerve into the proper lane and path that sets me free and capable of self-cleansing and healing.  So if you plan to watch the game on TV and find me in my regular seat.  I won’t be there.  Has nothing to do with the Age of Lassitude.  Comes down to something quite simple really.  Have found myself in a self-constructed Maze, and now it is my mandate to find a way out. 



And I am impressed by the power of the human spirit.  We will find a way.  And celebrate the best of love and life, as it happens.  Nothing complicated, if we set our mind to it.  And that’s my blog for today.  Enjoy.