SIGN OF A BIGGER PROBLEM

SIGN OF A BIGGER PROBLEM



End of the week and I ask myself, "Is there a problem?"  And console myself with lowering expectations, and going easy on the drive to overachieve.  Reading headlines and the next day, no sign of any real involvement raised just yesterday, and brings me to the point of taking a deep breath, relaxing my foot on the gas pedal and slowing down some.  Comes to the point of just knowing, Cruise Control.  And had a M-cruz with a brown painted HUMBEE in the background, asking:  "Want to be my friend." 



And before I had a chance to think it through, hit the run button, that said, "not now."  And that got me to thinking.  Defensive Reaction.  Too much going on all the time, and not keeping track of it all in my collective memory bank.  Not bankrupt.  But running low on tolerance to invite a stranger into my home, without first having a dance and getting a first kiss.  If its not personal, then why bother.  And that brought me exactly to where I want to be.  Not now, doesn’t mean never.  It only means, on hold:  investigation pending.  And that brings me square to square with my blog title for today:  Signs of a Bigger Problem.



I think this is a blog about reluctance.  Am reluctant to treat everything the same.  And that means, I must seek an alliance for the separation of on-coming traffic that might become an incident or problem later.  Later.  Not now.  And so why is this taking space in my head.  Why am I thinking about you, after five minutes have passed and I have already forgotten the name or the general impression of the person in front of me.



 And I tell stories.  Want to suggest that I am over-active.  Like to dance and kiss and experience the personal and interpersonal life.  Yet, it is becoming an reoccurring dream for me, and I think this is the sign of a bigger problem.  Social Media.  Never thought I would say it.  Too much and too many.  A bundle of potential problems gathering.  And why is this a problem now?  My basic reluctance to face the issues of modern life?  Of meeting a stranger .  " Yo Darling.  What’s up?"   It should be that simple.  But for me.  All I can say is, "not now."



Loving man.  Wacky Wife. My life and times, going up in smoke.    Perpetual war and fighting.  Not on my watch.  All of this has limits.  Stop before we create a monster.  And mother is telling the press and assorted media people;
"You must be mistaken. 
My child would not do something like this." 



Not suggesting I am in denial.  More like the sequel has a sequel.  Nobody is safe.  Short of becoming an issue, I must clear my mind.  Hit the not now button and step back.  Have done that.  Wish at time that I was adopted and all my sins be forgiven.  Not that this is a confession, but just saying,
"Signs of a Bigger Problem." 



Could be disruptive and anti-social behavior, or it could be the start of Alzheimer’s, where forgetting is my reprieve and a way to avoid that head on crash coming at me.  But its only one day in a string of many.  Kicking and Screaming.  Not usually my way.  I like to be the silent assassin.  Slaying Dragons and then putting to sleep any thoughts of wrong doing.  Loving Man.  Wacky Wife.  Who says things like this.  Best kept private.  Sequel and Replay. 





And then I remember, In the beginning my thoughts of you went on and on.  Always looking for that special one.  Strangers were never strangers for long.  Dance and Kiss .  Black Book.  So what has changed?  Is it me?  Or society?  I wonder.